Questions to ask your aging parents (before you need the answers)

Short answer: ask the questions you'd otherwise be scrambling to answer in an emergency: who their doctors are, what they take, where their important papers are, who handles their money and who they want involved. Ask a few at a time, explain why you're asking, and write the answers down in one place. The free printable below has all 27 questions with room for answers.

Most families find out what they don't know at the worst possible moment: in a hospital hallway, on the phone with a pharmacy, or searching a parent's house for a document. These questions are about gathering information while your parent can tell you themselves, in their own words.

These are organizing questions, not medical, legal or financial advice. They help you find out what exists, where it is and who handles it. Decisions about your parent's health, money and legal documents belong to your parent and the professionals they work with.

Get the free printable checklist

All 27 questions on a printable PDF, grouped by topic, with lines to write the answers. No sign-up needed: download the questions checklist (PDF).

How to ask without it feeling like an interrogation

• Don't do it all at once. Pick one section per conversation. Start with the easy ones, like doctors and the pharmacy.
• Say why you're asking. "So I know who to call if something happens" lands better than "We need to talk about your affairs."
• Give them the list ahead of time so they can look things up instead of feeling quizzed.
• Write down their words, not your summary. Their wishes, in their phrasing, settle a lot of family disagreements later.
• Keep account numbers and passwords off paper. Write where things are and who handles them, not the numbers themselves.
• If they push back, stop and try another day. Here's how to talk to a parent who refuses help.

Health and care

Who to call and what they'll ask for.

1. Who are your doctors, and how do I reach each one?
2. Which pharmacy do you use?
3. What medications, vitamins and supplements do you take? (Bring the bottles, so we can copy the labels.)
4. Do you have any allergies or bad reactions to medicines?
5. Do you have appointments coming up, and would you like someone to come along?
6. If you were in the hospital, who would you want the staff to call first?

Daily life and home

What's working and what isn't.

7. What parts of the week are getting harder?
8. What do you want to keep doing yourself, no matter what?
9. What kind of help would you actually accept, and from whom?
10. Who do you see or talk to regularly (neighbors, friends, church, clubs)?
11. Do any services come to the house (meals, cleaning, lawn, home health)? Who are they and how do I reach them?
12. Is there a spare key, and who has it?

Documents: what exists and where it is

You're making a list, not deciding anything.

13. Where are your photo ID, Medicare or insurance cards, and any supplemental or prescription plan cards?
14. Do you have a power of attorney? If so, who is named, and where is the original?
15. Do you have an advance directive or living will? Where is it, and do your doctors have a copy?
16. Do you have a will? Where is it, and which attorney helped with it, if any?
17. Where are papers like your birth certificate, deed or lease, and military discharge papers, if you served?

Money: who handles what

Names and places only, never account numbers or passwords on paper.

18. Which banks or credit unions do you use?
19. Which bills come every month, and which are on autopay?
20. Where does your regular income (Social Security, pension or other) get deposited?
21. Do you work with an accountant, financial adviser or insurance agent? How do I reach them?
22. Where do you keep your passwords, and is there a way someone you trust could get in if they had to?

People and wishes

So everyone works from the same answers.

23. Who should be kept in the loop about your health, and who would you rather not share it with?
24. Who is your emergency contact right now? Should that change?
25. If living at home got harder, what would you want to try first?
26. What matters most to you about how your care is handled?
27. In an emergency, where should we look first?

Where to keep the answers

Keep the answers with the rest of your parent's care information, so there's one current version instead of notes scattered across phones and drawers. Start with the medication list, since it's what doctors, pharmacists and hospitals ask for first. Our free printable medical binder has pages for medications, care contacts, appointments, insurance and ID, and questions for the next visit.

Once you have the answers, the checklist for caring for aging parents puts the organizing in the order most families need it, and the free medication chart is the place to copy every label exactly.

If a document is missing or out of date, that's a conversation for your parent and an elder law attorney. For local services, your Area Agency on Aging can help; find yours through the Eldercare Locator at eldercare.acl.gov or 1-800-677-1116.