Now What How to talk to a parent with dementia
Short answer: the National Institute on Aging suggests speaking calmly and reassuringly, listening to their concerns, letting them keep as much control as possible, reminding them who you are without asking "Don't you remember?", keeping conversation two-way for as long as possible, and using a familiar photo album or activity when words get hard. For support any time, the Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline is 800.272.3900.
The parent who always knew what to say may now lose words mid-sentence, repeat a question five times, or become upset for reasons you can't see. It helps to remember what the National Institute on Aging (NIA) stresses: the disease is causing the change in communication, not your parent and not you.
This page shares general communication tips from the NIA and pointers to support. It isn't medical or psychological advice. Changes in behavior, mood or abilities belong with your parent's doctor. If anyone is in danger, call 911.
Communication tips from the National Institute on Aging
From the NIA's tips for caregivers and families on alzheimers.gov:
- Reassure them. Speak calmly, listen to their concerns and frustrations, and show you understand if they're angry or afraid.
- Let them keep as much control in their life as possible.
- Respect their personal space.
- Build quiet times into the day, along with activities.
- Keep well-loved objects and photographs around to help them feel more secure.
- Remind them who you are if they don't remember, but try not to say "Don't you remember?"
- Keep the conversation two-way for as long as possible.
- When words aren't working, try a familiar book or photo album together.
What families often find helps
- One question at a time, and time to answer. Simple choices ("tea or juice?") are easier than open questions.
- Go with the feeling, not the facts. Correcting a mistaken memory rarely helps; responding to the worry behind it often does.
- Pick calmer times of day for important conversations, and notice which times tend to be harder.
- Write things down: a large-print note or calendar for today's plan can save repeated explanations. The NIA also suggests helping your parent keep to-do lists and appointments in a notebook or calendar.
Keep notes for the doctor
When you notice new confusion, word-finding trouble, agitation or a sudden change, write down what happened and when, and share it with your parent's doctor. Sudden changes in particular are worth raising quickly. The daily caregiver checklist has a "notes for the doctor" column for exactly this.
Where to get help
- Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline: 800.272.3900, free, any time, with interpreters available in more than 200 languages.
- NIA's ADEAR Center: 800-438-4380 or adear@nia.nih.gov, for information and referrals.
- Local services: your Area Agency on Aging, through the Eldercare Locator at eldercare.acl.gov or 1-800-677-1116.
Caring for a parent with dementia is a lot for one person. See what to do when caregiving takes over and organizing dementia care at home.
Common questions
How do you talk to a parent with dementia?
The National Institute on Aging suggests speaking calmly and reassuringly, listening to their concerns, letting them keep as much control as possible, respecting personal space, reminding them who you are without saying "Don't you remember?", keeping the conversation two-way, and using a familiar book or photo album when words are hard.
Should I correct my parent with dementia when they remember something wrong?
Many families find that correcting a mistaken memory rarely helps and can upset the person. Responding to the feeling behind what they say often works better. If you notice new or sudden confusion, write it down and tell their doctor.
What should you not say to someone with dementia?
The National Institute on Aging suggests trying not to say "Don't you remember?" If they don't remember who you are, gently remind them instead.
Who can I call for help with a parent who has dementia?
The Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900 is free and available any time. The National Institute on Aging's ADEAR Center is at 800-438-4380, and your local Area Agency on Aging can be found through the Eldercare Locator at eldercare.acl.gov or 1-800-677-1116.
Why is it hard to communicate with a parent who has dementia?
According to the National Institute on Aging, people with dementia have trouble remembering, can become agitated, anxious or angry, and in some forms of dementia have trouble finding words or speaking. The disease is causing the change in communication.